saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
