I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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