everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize