she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
