I'm drive I can fine osifer
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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