Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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