Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
