You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
