I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
