so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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