And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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