next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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