i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
