Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
