nut hugger
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
