i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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