Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
COCAINE IS GR8
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
