There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
