A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
