If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
