I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
