woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
