i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My ATM looks so different sober.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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