You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
