As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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