shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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