i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
