I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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