Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
that may or may not have been my penis.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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