Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Are we still banned from the library?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
