Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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