I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize