My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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