He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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