it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
