Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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