I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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