I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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