Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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