I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
