Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
