just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
