i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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