Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
