do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
