I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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