I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
