worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
