If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
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yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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