Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
