haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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