I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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