omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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