if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
