The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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