bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
