After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
