My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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