Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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