My room smells like vodka and shame
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
