Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
