i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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