the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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