the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize