: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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