I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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