i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
