I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
