You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize