Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
