final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
