Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
