We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
